wishing stupidity

I have realised that more often than not, having a better understanding comes across as a curse and not a blessing or something to be proud of. It only tends to complicate matters. Situations, events, actions that are practically inconsequential are blown out or proportion by this so called ‘power’. The problem lies in the multi faceted thinking capacity. There is no point of view that is ‘mine’. Because I can understand all the points of view, or perceive what are the different points of view possible it creates a ruckus in the head. What is right? Who is right? What is supposed to be? And what is it that I want it to be? Everything gets mixed up like in the agitator machine for better diffusion and the result is of course the formation of a bloody vortex, which is undesirable. (I couldn’t help this comparison; after all I am a chemical engineer)

Sometimes, and these days a lot more often I feel it would have been a lot better if I was dumb and stupid. It would simplify almost everything. Not to mention the added relief of not having people’s very heavy expectations riding on your back. Atleast the picture would be clear then. Now, it’s all hazy and foggy, and therefore the delay in departure.

If after reading all this, you’re still expecting some kind of conclusion from this piece, then I must say you are one of the lucky ones (dumb and stupid). ;)

!@#$%^&*

Just when I thought I had hit rock bottom…I am pushed, shoved, hurled even lower. No no…not by any external force…but by the sheer weight of this relentless thought process that just doesn’t give up. In the process, many other things (read people) seem to have given up on me (Including me). Yes, I know it’s a loser like statement to make, and believe me I am not trying to win over your pity or some stupid shit like that, but that is precisely what I feel like now. A loser.

Of course, no one is going to take this post seriously. Probably not even me. It’s like the story of the boy who called wolf. He did it way too often for anyone to take him seriously. But aren’t your so called friends supposed to stand by you. Come what may. Atleast that’s what I thought and believed. Clearly, I was as wrong as can be. Friends are someone you feel the need for only and only when you have a truck loads of time at hand and have no clue what to do with it. Atleast, that seems to be the latest definition doing rounds. What happened to the good old ‘I’ll be there for you’? Seems like there are practically no takers for that sentiment these days.

Anyways, the brighter side to this could be the theory in which you believe that you receive only as much hardships as He/She/It (God) thinks you can handle. So, the more the hardships you face, you are lead to believe that the stronger you are. Of course it’s a very far fetched ‘brighter side’, but it is there nonetheless.

On this slightly, somewhat positive note I take your leave, and I apologise for being absent for such a long time. After all, even I didn’t have time. (Wink)