weak and powerless...

Tilling my own grave to keep me level
Jam another dragon down the hole
Digging to rhythm and the echo of a solitary siren
One that pushes me along and leaves me so…
Desperate and ravenous
I’m so weak and powerless…

These lyrics of the song titled ‘weak and powerless’ by ‘a perfect circle’ echoing in my head are the cause of the splitting headache, of the bad temper, of the fuck all mood that I am in. There are a set of people you derive energy from. Their belief in you, their encouragement… that is the fuel. And what do you do when that fuel tank shows empty? It’s a horrible feeling, so vulnerable, so unsure, unsafe, so…’weak and powerless’. Where to look for the drive now? Whom to turn to? It feels claustrophobic. No where to go, no one to turn to. The path ahead is hazy and the path behind is lost. It feels like it would have been better if there were no desires, ambitions, wishes, passions. The choices would have been so much simpler. The path would have been so much clearer. Will such a day ever come? Ever?