I had slept the last night thinking the world of opportunities was out there, up there for me to grasp, after all I was practically still a fresher. But the next morning I woke up a CEO. Yes, I’m not kidding. That’s how I describe my ‘so called’ transition. As sudden as that. For a long long time I did not know how to react to that. People were beaming with confidence, that I would do a wonderful job. Mind it; people were beaming with that kind of confidence not me. The biggest problem and fuck up is, because of the existent set up there are no defined parameters to assess whether I am doing a decent job (wonderful job is really out of question).
It does sound very sudden and rash and illogical to do something like this. But you haven’t heard the best part yet. There is logic to support this rashness, this madness. In all the big companies, when one CEO is retiring and another is coming in his place, the earlier one does not spend 2-3 months with the new one to explain how things work. Even that happens suddenly. Probably on a personal level not as sudden as my case, but as far as the company is concerned, it is as sudden.
Well, you see then I was soooo ‘dazzled’ by this proposition that the phrase ‘the cat’s caught its tongue’ fits like a glove. Now I see the loophole in this ‘logic’ as clear as the bright burning sun. THE NEW CEO HAD ALL THE PRIOR EXPERIENCE HE NEEDED TO MAKE THE SUDDEN TRANSITION. He/she had been there done that before. He has all the qualifications needed to replace the outgoing CEO. We clearly chose to ignore this small little teeny weeny detail.
Imagine everyday someone asking you, ‘did you do this?’; ‘did you do that?’….and always the answer is NO. Why? For the plain simple reason that you did not know it was supposed to be done. But somehow that person expects you to know all this, because he/she knows it. It’s shitty, the way you feel and when you have to bow down your head in shame and disgust at your incompetence. It makes you feel like such a dummy. You have to call someone or the other every half an hour or so to ask how it is to be done. Or how it was done? (really, what is the difference?). If you want to ever drain yourself of every drop of confidence you have in you, try this. Trust me it gives wonderful results. I guarantee you will have to dig real deep to find a pinch of what was once confidence.
This is not all, put your self in the place of an employee of the company who has been in the industry for atleast 3-4 years (atleast, you will obviously come across veterans too). And imagine receiving orders or reporting to someone who has practically just stepped out of college. I wouldn’t like it. I don’t know if they feel the same way or not. But every time I turn my back to them. I can feel their laughter.
Did the title mention ‘perks’? Oh yes there are perks. Unimportant, materialistic perks like come and go as you please, AC car to drive around in, fancy mobile phone, etc. It feels stupid to weigh them against peace of mind and confidence. But as you chose, so shall you act. And act your best you should. So be it.
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