a pause lets you think

Is God hugely egotist?

2011-10-19T22:17:00.000-07:00

As soon as I stepped out of the Golden Temple, Vellore, I had to immediately switch on my laptop and type my thoughts into this word doc, before they escape the feeble confines of my mind. For those of you who are unaware of this temple, it is a somewhat new temple which has risen in fame to almost rival that of the Tirupati temple, at least in the temple goers circuit.

I have not seen a temple as grand as this one, yet. It reminded me of the Ramoji Film City. That is how grand it is. I was a little disappointed at this as I am a man of simple tastes. Initially, my thoughts turned in the negative with this display of unnecessary grandeur. Then as I walked to the main temple, it got me thinking. And I had a lot of time to do that owing to the long around the temple route that you have to take to reach the main temple.

The first question that popped up into my head was, ‘Is God really this egotist, that he will be pleased by this grandeur in his name?’ I just could not digest this revelation and was actually terrified that the answer to that might just be a yes. But then I recalled the Ramayana that I have read and knew for certain that my Ram was not. But the moment I thought of Ram, Krishna popped up into my head and though they are supposedly different avatars of the same God, they are so different. Somehow I could imagine Nitish Bharadwaj (the guy who played Krishna in BR Chopra’s Mahabharata) giving that smile of his on seeing this temple.

This led me to another question, ‘How could the same God have two such different and opposing characteristics attached to itself?’ And I think the answer to this lies in the simple fact that God understood the complexity and the diversity of man best. He knew there would be men like me, of simple taste. And he knew of the existence of men who would worship grandeur. If a touch of grandeur helps man to stray towards the good and curb evil even if in a very minimal amount, what’s wrong in it? In fact, statistics show that currently there are more men who believe in grand gestures than simple ones. Just compare the devotee traffic of Tirupati or this Golden Temple to that of say Hampi or the Shore temple.

Of course, whether God exists or not is a completely different debate for a different piece, but something commonly called God definitely is worshipped and does help somewhat in taming the evil within.

Educated India, are we ready?

2011-10-10T05:18:00.000-07:00

How many of you reading this believe that good, quality education is a basic right of every human being? My guess is, there will only be one in a hundred who will disagree. Well, my argument is kind of in support of that one person. I know the thought is pretty pathetic, but humour me.

Before you judge me, let me be clear that this is just a thought and not my belief.

Now consider this, you live in a world where you don’t have auto/taxi/bus drivers on the roads; where you will have to clean the roads outside your house yourself. You live in a world where there is no labour to construct your home and you have to do it yourself; where there are no truck drivers to transport your favourite soap, shoe, grains or deodorant from the factories to the store next door. You live in a world where there are no road side eateries and you don’t get your cutting chais and hot, simmering vada pavs anymore; where there is no labour available to work in the various factories producing all your necessities. You live in a world where you have to completely lift your own load and do your own work – from scratch. Get the picture?

These are jobs that no well educated man/woman will choose to do (except in desperate need). Now, some of the points I have mentioned above might sound to you like luxuries, but nonetheless, they are luxuries that we have taken for granted. So will we be comfortable without these luxuries?

Like I said earlier, I am not proposing that we keep the uneducated uneducated. I am merely pointing out that are we ready, and do we understand the radical change that this will result in? Of course, every self righteous person will answer to that in the affirmative. Even I did. But as the famous saying goes, ‘we don’t really know what we have, till it’s gone.’

You might argue that the westerners live life the way I have pointed out above. But, there are two points I think that differentiate us from them. One, our economy is not strong enough yet to create job opportunities for every additional person that will get educated (we are not even able to provide for the current number). Two, (and this is an assumption, mostly based on Hollywood flicks) the westerners have a good amount of immigrants to do the somewhat lower level jobs. Are our relationships with our neighbours like Pakistan and China good enough for that? Do we want them to immigrate into our country?

It’s just a thought. Think about it.

Our contribution to History - Indifference!

2011-08-20T04:22:00.000-07:00

As a kid, I was extremely attentive during our history lessons. It was one of my favourite subjects. (besides the fact that my history teacher was a looker) I have always been fascinated with the heroic stories of those times. The various times when kings, commanders laid their lives on the line for their nations, the millions of heroes who fought the firangs and won us our freedom. (and I’m not just talking about the famous ones) All along I used to picture myself to be one of them, in my childish ways tell myself that in my previous birth I was definitely one of them. Or wishing that I would get an opportunity to show my country the love and respect it so deserves and does not get. And sometimes even regretting that I cannot remember anything about that previous birth, so maybe I was not a freedom fighter after all. Dejected.

Now, when such an opportunity is knocking at our doors, what are we doing? Busy building our careers? Seriously? So when the generations after us study history, they will still only study what we have studied. Our contribution to history will be indifference. Maybe we need to pat ourselves on the back for this.

Of course, this is in relation to the Anna uprising that the country is witnessing. I am not saying that his methods or demands are justified or not. I am not saying whether he is clean or not. But how does that make a difference? It is not what a man thinks that defines him, it is his actions. He is fighting to eradicate a powerful and dangerous disease that has taken over our country, Corruption. That is all that matters. They say he is the Gandhi of our age. If you do not agree with his ways, then why don’t you become the Bhagat Singh? What is stopping you?

The issue is not Lokpal Bill or Jan Lokpal Bill. These are just methods, the first steps to achieve what is rightfully ours, what should have been rightfully ours ages ago. I know the seeds of corruption are sown deep, deeper than the oldest standing tree probably. It is a vicious circle, but somewhere it has to be broken.

I have often wondered at how can one not feel the love for your country. How? I somehow blame Manmohan Singh for this. No, no...not because he is the PM now. Because he brought in Globalization. I think maybe that is where the descent of patriotism was initiated. Of course I have no data to back this, but isn’t globalization the exact opposite of patriotism? Strictly literally speaking.

I know what your answer is going to be, ‘Kuch nahi badlega yaar’. I am not going to go on about how things can change if you want it to change, etc etc, blah blah. Just answer this question honestly and you might even feel ashamed at your attitude. If our forefathers could bring about a monumental change after hundreds of years of British Rule, we don’t have the balls to bring about a relatively minor change after just 65 years.

Inquilab, revisited!

2011-03-23T08:49:00.000-07:00

Hi! Today happens to be the day when Bhagat Singh, a 23 year old patriot happily gave up his life along with Sukhdev and Rajguru for a vision, a dream of a country. It seems like the perfect day to initiate this. For a long time now (in fact for as far back as I can remember), there’s been this itch, to do something for the country. And for those who know me, it’s nothing new. But, before you ignore this as just another ‘frustration venting document’, I assure you it’s not that. So spare a few moments and read on. This is not about me. This is about doing something real; something valuable.

We’re the youth of the nation. The next generation, and if there is one thing that we are ALL good at, that connects us all, IT IS TECHNOLOGY. In today’s time for most of us, our mobile phones are all we need. Then stuff like distance, time all which were barriers for generations above us vanish and become insignificant. I say, let’s put this to use, to good use.

Let us get together and do some real good for the country, for the people of the country. With our tech savviness that really shouldn’t be a difficult thing to do. We have so many things going for us and so less going against that this should really be a piece of cake, all we have to do is have the will.

I am not saying we will just make a group on facebook that people will forget about in a couple of days or if we’re lucky, we’ll last a couple of months. NO. I have a much bigger vision for this ‘project’. Of course but, I will need all the support I can get and then this will not remain my project, but ‘our’ project.

Let me share a glimpse of this vision with you. We connect through the omnipresent internet, and we help out/participate in various events that could be happening around the country. If there are floods somewhere we help in relief, if there is an issue that we think needs support, we join in. I’m not saying we only join in. We can start our own movement too. Like for instance the various scams. Why is everybody just casually reading it in the papers and why doesn’t anyone have the urge to do something? This will become a place for such likeminded people to get together, and raise a unified voice. It could include a simple act of filing so many RTIs that the government is forced to come out with the information. Or it could be taking out a march (definitely not supported by any political party) to demand action against the culprits or any other radical act to achieve the elusive goal of justice.

I genuinely believe basic education can solve almost all the problems our country faces. We can put together a group that merely helps in educating the needy children. There are a million ways how this can be achieved, but at least let us first agree that we all want to achieve this.

In my vision, I see young professionals like lawyers, journalists, engineers, doctors, managers, and anyone becoming a part of this and offering their expertise in solving the situation. For instance, most people are unaware how an RTI is filed, or whether it still can be filed. The lawyers can help us out with that. If there is any natural calamity, the managers, the doctors can do their bit. The journalists can help in spreading the word. Everyone can help, everyone can do their bit.

One thing is for sure, for this to have any sort of effect, it cannot merely remain an online/virtual society. We will have to get real. The point is to find likeminded people in every corner of the country through the internet and get together as one voice, not just a voice you read online, but a voice you hear out on the streets. Only when we take physical form will the rest of the country take us for real. We can probably think of region wise centres/outfits for this. I want you to understand that we have to dream big. We have to believe that we can make a change, and work our hearts out towards that.

This is my brief vision for this ‘project’. Of course, there is room for improvement. Of course, any point anyone has should be brought up, except cynicism and negativity. If you are going to hide behind those shallow tools, please stay away from us. I already refer to us as us, because I genuinely believe there are many more like me, who want to do something for the country and who are tired of the cynicism floating around.

Let me tell you one thing, JUST VOTING IS NOT ENOUGH. If you want to see a real change, you will have to get your hands dirty. There is no two ways to that. The real question is, are you willing to do that for the country you call home?

No, I do not say that this will not take your time so please join. This will take your time and energy. So please don’t join because of some misplaced sense of morality you might have. Only if you are willing to really work towards this cause, then sign up. I guess it is better to fail right at the onset than to believe you have succeeded only to realise when push comes to shove, everyone’s hiding in their holes.

For starters, we need to gather enough virtual momentum to take things to the real world. I request all of you to use your excellent networking skills to pass this on to as many as you can. I am not promising that this project will succeed. Hell, it might crash and burn right at the onset. But I believe in this and I will give it my best. Probably again and again. If you believe we can make a difference, then please fill in the form and pass on the link/message to everyone you can think of. Even if you are not joining, at least pass this on to the people you know. Any suggestions/feedback are welcome.

Form link:

https://spreadsheets.google.com/viewform?formkey=dC1TZmZrSEdkdG40cUlISUJhSTFHUlE6MQ

For any queries please contact inquilab.revisited@gmail.com

Women's Day!!!

2011-03-07T23:12:00.000-08:00

One of my strong, successful, individualist, feminist friends was kind of upset that today is women’s day. Her opinion (and a very strong one at that) is that why do we need a women’s day when there is no men’s day? It’s as if a women’s day gives testimony to the popular thought that women are the weaker sex. Now this is where I tried to curb her aggressiveness and explain what it really is.

I am not aware what the condition of women internationally is. But in India a women’s day is needed. Of course on hearing this, she blew her top once again and it took a lot of my effort to rein her back into orbit. So before you do the same, pray, humor me. This is not a personal comment, ‘In India a women’s day is needed’. It is not directed towards you. You, the strong, individualistic, urban women are a minority in our country. More than 60% of India is still classified as rural. Assuming that the ratio of men to women is at least 1:0.8 there are over 50 crore women in the country leading rural lives. Leading lives at the beck and call of their wife-beating, drunk, cheating and sometimes caring and loving men. This is a day for them. It is a day to empower them. It is a day to celebrate those who have over powered such or worse adversaries to become what they have become today.

This is one perspective. Another alternate perspective is a much simpler, sweeter one. Only if you would not bring in your feminist ego to the table, you would be able to see it clearly. Women are special. And this day is merely to celebrate that special something. Happy Women’s Day!

Free Press it seems!!!

2010-11-22T03:28:00.000-08:00

As I write about this, my guess is that most people would be unaware of this just as I have been. About 5 days back a shocking scam had come to the fore, almost. So you would ask me, ‘what’s new in that?’ What’s new is that this time the scam involves no one else but our renowned, ‘senior’ journalists. The people we have known to expose scams. Now, I’m not referring to a scam as in terms of money, there is no definitive proof of that…yet.

A few days back, the IT department released some tapes showing the unprofessional and frankly speaking, disgusting behavior of two prominent faces – Barkha Dutt and Vir Sanghvi. These are recorded telephone conversations with Nira Radia. Now, I do not know who that is but from the conversations I take it that she is a powerful power lobbyist.

In the ten minute Barkha tape, you hear her act like nothing short of a pimp between Congress and DMK for who gets how many seats and which seats in the cabinet. In the Vir tapes, we first hear him scripting out a show so as to suit the purpose of the involved parties and then also playing the role of a pimp between the same parties (clearly the Congress had huge problems with DMK).

Now, on the outset you might think, ‘what’s wrong with that?’What’s wrong is that THEY ARE JOURNALISTS. They’re supposed to report the story, not become a party to it. The Press Council of India has put down a basic code of conduct for the journalists. Something like the hypocritic oath for the doctors. This clearly states that a journalist has to be objective, they have to report the story and not become a party to it. If they fail to do so, it is unprofessional behavior.

What is even better is that no TV news channel or print newspaper is carrying this story. NONE. No one is broadcasting the tapes. Of all the moments ever, this is when the press decides to unite and protect their black hearted own. If they are certain that they have done nothing wrong and unbecoming why don’t they telecast the tapes and let the people decide. Only the magazines OPEN and OUTLOOK are carrying this story.

I was always aware that nothing was as it seems. But this incident gives that phrase an all new meaning, an all new disgusting meaning. I feel sick, violated. The press has immense power in our country. And I think they’ve taken the ‘free press’ bit way too far this time. Something needs to be amended, something needs to be done to bound people like them, or at least make them answerable.

For starters I’m trying to spread this ‘sensational news’, this ‘aaj ki taaza khabar’ to as many as I can. And I request my journalist friends to please please please do not stoop so low, ever.

Link to the Barkha Dutt tape: http://www.openthemagazine.com/article/nation/tell-me-what-should-i-tell-them

Link to the Vir Sanghvi tape: http://www.openthemagazine.com/article/nation/what-kind-of-story-do-you-want

nanha sa nazaara!

2010-11-10T01:36:00.000-08:00

Un chhoti chhoti aankhon ne

Kabhi banayi thi ek tasveer

Jab main ho jaunga bada

Toh banaunga apni takdeer

Ab bhi kabhi kabhi

Yaad aata hain ho sapna

Woh masoom khayal

Aur woh nanha sa nazaara

Tab na duniyadaari ki samajh thi

Aur na thi paise ki koi keemat

Tab toh sirf ek masoomiyat thi

Aur ud ne ki ek chaahat

Aankhen toh raftaar se badhne lagi

Akal bhi dheere dheere aane lagi

Par is samajhdaari ki race mein

Who khoobsurat nazaara dhoondhlane lagi

Aaj bhi woh sapna

Kabhi kabhi mujhe aata hain

Par use dekh main muskurata nahi

Bas apne aap se mila pata main nazre nahi

Dukh sirf is baat ka nahi

Ki woh nazaara sach na hua

Gham toh is baat ka bhi hain

Ki woh sapna aaj bhi mujhe aata hain.

Women!!!

2010-11-01T05:01:00.000-07:00

Don’t worry. This is not another rambling of a heart broken, dejected, rejected guy. It’s far more significant and important than that petty issue.

Over time, I have formulated a somewhat bizarre theory – a conspiracy theory, if you want to use that phrase. I think our ancestors (referring to the men here) had seen the power, the potential of women and they got scared. They were petrified. They realised that if something was not done about it, soon, they would have the lower hand. And I guess the mountainous ego of men existed even then, which did not allow this domination.

Using nothing more than muscular superiority and a hint of foresight, they devised a society, a system where woman was the one to follow and man, the one to lead. Of course, if you see from my point of view, there are hints strewn all over the place that point to this conclusion.

Right from the start of all things – birth, it’s evident that they’re superior. Nothing we men do in our lives equals in importance or significance to their ability to give birth, to bring a new life into this world. (at this point if you’re going to argue saying ‘that’s not possible without man’, I pity you and your ego. We’re merely donors, that’s all)

Borrowing from Hindu mythology, have any of you wondered why the God of Power is a Goddess? (Shakti) All the important ‘departments’ are with Goddesses – Vidya (Saraswati), Money (Laxmi), Earth (Dharti) and Power to name a few.

Recently at the Karwa Chauth, another thought struck me. Has man been so adamant and consumed by his ego that he does not even need to please the Gods (we’ll debate their existence later, this is in relevance to our ancestors who definitely believed in them) to get a ‘good wife’ or for the long life of his wife? (once again, debating on whether man wants a long life for his wife is fodder for another discussion) Why is it that traditionally, only women were to fast for a good husband? Man apparently believed (or still believes) that he does not need the help of God to make his life better. Or was it once again just a trick to establish the dominance?

I know I’ve only, so to say, ‘blamed’ man’s ego for this. But there is another possibility. Like I had mentioned earlier, foresight. The power that women wield is extensive, no two ways about it. Therefore, if it were to be used for the wrong reasons, it would cause a lot more damage than a man gone bad. Plainly putting, a villainess would have wreaked more havoc than a villain, or probably 10 villains.

These are of course not enough instances to ‘prove’ my theory. But I think it’s a good starting point nonetheless. (moreover, I know how boring really long articles get)

I think it’s time we men accepted this truth. Of course, the first step would be to at least accept that they are equals, superiority ka baad mein dekhenge. So take a step back men, and look at this objectively.

This is my way of showing respect to all the women I’ve known and met.

Oath of a Hypocrite

2010-09-30T22:39:00.000-07:00

I hereby, solemnly swear that,

I will switch off the engine of my car at signals

I will throw garbage only in a bin

I will not waste water during a bath

I will condemn people for not caring enough

I will congratulate people for every considerate act

But,

ONLY IF IT DOES NOT CAUSE ME ANY DISCOMFORT!

Why should I switch off the car when it is so hot?

I might lose some of my precious sweat.

How can I throw garbage in the bin?

The bin is so so far away.

How can I not take a bath under a running shower?

That’s the only way I feel clean.

How can I not condemn people for not caring enough?

After all, I do pretend like I care more than enough.

It’s time to stop pretending, and truly start feeling.

you knew it was coming...

2010-08-31T11:19:00.001-07:00

You stood in anticipation,

of the inevitable pain,

you thought you were prepared,

but only in vain.

You thought you had the strength,

to withstand the blow,

but when it really mattered,

you were lying burnt on the floor.

You look in the mirror,

and smirk at your stupidity,

you feel nothing else,

but loathing and self pity.

That time is now past,

that age is long gone,

it’s time to pick up those pieces

and move along.

There will be many such hurdles,

and many such falls,

but what really matters,

is how you overcome them all.

Uncomfortable comfort

2010-08-26T02:39:00.000-07:00

There’s an uneasy feeling, it’s settling in, slowly but surely. It’s very comfortable here, now. But should it be? Why am I not tensed or feeling pressure? I have been repeatedly reminded that this is the age when you slog, when you work your ass off, when you can take any load and still come out on top. Then why am I not there yet?

I want to be at the top, I need to be at the top. Sooner rather than later. I thought this was the best path. Is it? There can be no gain without pain. There is no pain here. Does that mean there will be no gain? Should I go out searching for pain? I want to.

Nothing seems to disturb me now. As a friend would say, ‘I’ve reached the Zen like state’. I don’t want to be Zen like. I want disturbance, I crave it. I want to know I can still feel. I’ve always believed that’s been ‘my edge’. I don’t want to become one of those ‘anything will do’ types. The thought is disturbing. Ahhh…finally, some disturbance. There’s a restlessness stemming from the lack of restlessness. That’s more like it. This will do. This should start off a chain of familiar unpleasant thoughts. Phew…finally, comfortable with my discomfort.

The Opportunist!

2010-07-26T02:13:00.000-07:00

Is it wrong to hold onto every opportunity that knocks on that heavy wooden door? I’m sure most of you will agree that there is nothing wrong with it. Consider, the ‘ethics’ behind it. Is it ethical? There are so many facets to this, that I am uncovering as I am writing this. You also then have to consider, is being selfish right? Now, if your answer to this is no, then how can your answer to the first question be no. You see the dilemma now. Don’t you?

Almost every time you grab onto one opportunity you are ‘hurting’ someone. ‘Your loss is someone else’s gain’ and vice versa. So if you’re gaining from it, somebody is losing. Then how do you judge whether its right? Whether it’s worth it? Now, the most common reply will be, ‘does it feel right to you? If yes, then its right and justified’. Feelings are the most unstable and fleeting phenomena. So, what if at this instant, it feels right but after a while it feels wrong? Which ‘feeling’ are we to believe to be true? Whatever be your opinion, at this very instant, I’m playing the role of ‘The Opportunist’.

Seeing Red

2010-04-07T00:45:00.001-07:00

76 jawans were slaughtered yesterday by over 1000 Naxalites. Ambushed and massacred. Why on earth are we worried so much about what the neighbouring country is trying to do? Why are we wasting our time and energy about a nation that is not even under our governance? Shouldn’t we first look into ourselves. Our country. Regions and people under our governance.

In a lay man’s terms, Naxalites are people who take a violent approach to Communism. They are against the red tapism, against the bureaucracy. If I think about it, I am forced to agree with their ideologies, if not their methods. Remember 26/11? The death toll for that ordeal was 173. Do you know how many people have died during this Naxalite struggle in the year 2009? 1134. Isn’t the number significantly larger than the death by external terrorism? But still, why is Pakistan given more screen space, more news time and more importance than this persisting issue? Because it is high profile. Why do the terrorist attacks get more importance? Because they happen in cities where civilians like you and me are affected. So what if in some rural internal part of the country men are dying to try and maintain peace in the country. That merely makes an interesting topic for conversation over a cup of coffee. Even today, more news time is given to IPL and for some weird reason the marriage of Sania Mirza and Shoaib Malik. How is that of any importance to the nation? Two people find each other compatible and want to spend the rest of their lives together. What the f**k is the country’s objection/interest in that?

Humara kya jaata hain? We sit in our air conditioned homes and see the news and mourn over it for a couple of minutes. The fault lies in us. Because we are more interested in Sania Mirza, the media shows more of her. Because we give more importance to IPL, the media covers it extensively. Have we completely disconnected ourselves from that inner voice we loosely refer to as the conscience? There are people out there, dying to maintain peace in our country; people who have pledged to fight against any threat internal or external. Forget about helping them, forget about supporting them, we don’t even have the decency, the courtesy to show solidarity towards their deaths.

What is wrong if someone is raising a voice against such development? What is wrong if someone is raising a voice against such a government? What is wrong if someone is raising a voice against such people? So, the real questions is, are the Naxalites the villains or are we, the people, the society the villains? Naxalites are merely the effect, we are the cause.

26th November 2009, Realisation

2009-11-28T21:07:00.000-08:00

26^th November 2009. Exactly a year after the dreadful siege had started in Mumbai. I went to the Gateway of India to show my solidarity, to mourn, to let the buildings make me feel the way they had felt exactly a year ago. Yes, today I heard buildings, buildings made of stone and mortar talk to me. They told me their story. They had merely just started and I had tears in my eyes. I can’t picture, imagine or comprehend what the people present here a year ago must have felt. But I felt the pain today. I felt the fear. I felt the feeling of utter powerlessness. I had to forcefully take my eyes away from the dome of the Taj; before I break down. I couldn’t take it anymore. All the noise, all the slogans, all the chants lost and forgotten at that very instant when I locked eyes with the dome. There was an immediate connection. It was terrifying. For a brief second I was transported back a year and the barrage of various uncontrollable emotions and fear was too much to bear. Imagine being there while it was happening and having ‘access’ to the feelings of everyone present there. That is how I felt.

Scary and terrifying though it was, I wanted more. I wanted to feel that connect again. I wanted to hear the story, I wanted to feel what they felt. I wanted to feel the extent of uselessness, my powerlessness. Rather I wanted to realise it. All the illusion about how I was going to make a difference shattered. At first I did not understand the purpose of people lighting candles outside the Taj. Suddenly it made sense. I lit a candle and let myself go, to be embraced, to be taken. The rush, the force, the power of the emotions was too strong. I couldn’t pull out. I couldn’t or maybe didn’t want to step out, get disconnected. I cried.

And then the feeling of utter uselessness sinks in, again. The realisation of the extent of my powerlessness kicks in. And it’s frustrating. This is not how it was supposed to be. This is not how it was supposed to be. I WANT TO DO SOMETHING WORTHWHILE. I WANT TO CONTRIBUTE. The time to point fingers at others is gone, done, over. It’s time to take the mantle in my own hands and ‘do’. That’s the operative word. No more hesitation. No more wait. No more doubt. Just one clear thought and objective.

government type: democracy, people type: hypocrisy

2009-05-02T02:28:00.000-07:00

‘Hahahahaha’…Laugh, that’s all I could do at seeing the incredibly pathetic turnout for the general elections, especially in Mumbai. It’s the kind of laugh that escapes from you when you feel so much grief that you do not know how to react. One would think that after a shocking awakening that we were handed out on 26th November 2008 Mumbai would not fall asleep so soon.

After all those rallies, after all that ‘we need change’ and after all that drama this is what the citizens of ‘the great city’ Mumbai do. And then you have the audacity in celebrating ‘the Mumbai spirit’ in getting life back to normal in a jiffy. Haha. I’ll tell you what seems to be ‘the Mumbai spirit’ after this turnout, ‘Ignorance is bliss’. Of all the teams in the highly hyped IPL, no team deserves to call itself ‘INDIANS’. Not after this. This is not a launch on Mumbai or the Mumbai spirit. I was a believer in all those things and that is why it hurts so much to see all that go down the drain. It seems like it was just a publicity stunt. It seems like we like to call ourselves ‘Mumbaikars’ and our team ‘Mumbai Indians’. But when it comes to being them, swish and we are no where to be found. It is not the democratic system of India that is at fault here, it is the hypocritical people of India that are.

What was equally appalling was the response of the media to this abysmal turnout. It was a bigger news for them that ‘a lot’ of celebrities had turned up for voting rather than the fact that there was just 41% turnout overall. It’s depressing. And to top it all, they then find excuses to support the low turnout. And what were the reasons? ‘it was a long weekend, people were vacationing’ and ‘it was too hot’. I’m feeling ashamed just typing this down. If you call these reasons for not being part of the process of the formation of the Government then God damn it you have no fucking right to utter a single word of distress against the way this country is run. Instead of travelling with the celebrities in their cars and interviewing them about who they voted and why, shouldn’t they have gone and found those people vacationing (thanks to the long weekend) or sitting in their air conditioned homes because its too hot. It’s not like we’re made of wax and we’ll melt in the heat.

I’m not saying I expected a 100% turnout. It is a time bound process, this so called ‘awakening’. But atleast we should make some progress. Atleast take some steps forward, hell atleast take one step forward.

I had thought that Mumbai could be the spearhead in bringing about the change that this country so desperately needs. But this is disheartening. Almost draining me of all the hope that there will be a better India tomorrow but at the same time, giving me an insight that it is time to take this change outside of living room chats and blog articles. It’s time to act, to do. Of course, we can’t expect to see immediate results, but maybe by the next elections, or maybe the one after that, or maybe the one after that. However long it takes, the process should start now, has to start now.

save them...

2009-03-26T23:23:00.000-07:00

Have you looked into the newspapers lately? Everyday there are atleast a couple of articles being published about some disgusting pervert indulging in stomach wrenching incest. It’s depressing. Can you even imagine the trauma it must be causing to the victim? First of all, being raped at such a young age, and to make matters worse being ravaged by the person who brought you into this world. Forget the physical assault, the physical abuse, think about how she must be feeling. It makes my eyes water, my hair to stand on ends just trying to put myself in her shoes.

Initially when there were just certain stray cases like this, I thought that maybe they’re just a few mentally retarded, sick people. But now when you look at the number of times this has happened, I am beginning to have second thoughts about the mind frame of the culprits. Maybe, there is some flaw in the system, in the society. There have been way too many such incidents to ignore such a possibility.

Maybe, the husband and wife do not have a clear understanding and do not fulfil each other’s sexual needs. Maybe, they were forced into this marriage and they don’t find each other attractive and they never did. The general middle class man does not have many avenues to explore other various options. I am not saying those options are justified or right. But they are definitely better than ruining the life of a poor little girl.

I think the problem lies in the fact that sex is still a taboo topic in our society. There lies the true problem. And if you think, that this is a part of our culture, think again. Pick up any of our original epics, original being the operative word here. I’m not talking about the Ramcharitramanas by Tulsidas. I’m talking about the original Ramayana by Valmiki. I’m not talking about the televisionised Mahabharat that has become so popular, I am talking about the original Mahabharat by Ved Vyas. You will find many references to sexual acts there. Almost all the kings had unknown number of concubines. The Pandvas father was basically cursed that if he slept with any woman again, he would die. The dasis in the palaces used to cover themselves up in almost no clothing whatsoever. That is how sexually ‘open’ and active our cultural text was. I’m not suggesting that we become as crude as them. That is a part of civilization. But, we cannot let it be a taboo. Even the husband and wife who perform the act together do not talk about it, because it makes them uncomfortable. Who is to blame for this if not the society, the system?

Things have to change. To safeguard the future and the integrity of the children to come, from their own. It will not happen overnight. It will not happen by itself. We have to take the steps. What is the point of being ‘educated’ if you can’t use that education for the betterment of the society that you live in?

wishing stupidity

2009-02-19T22:00:00.001-08:00

I have realised that more often than not, having a better understanding comes across as a curse and not a blessing or something to be proud of. It only tends to complicate matters. Situations, events, actions that are practically inconsequential are blown out or proportion by this so called ‘power’. The problem lies in the multi faceted thinking capacity. There is no point of view that is ‘mine’. Because I can understand all the points of view, or perceive what are the different points of view possible it creates a ruckus in the head. What is right? Who is right? What is supposed to be? And what is it that I want it to be? Everything gets mixed up like in the agitator machine for better diffusion and the result is of course the formation of a bloody vortex, which is undesirable. (I couldn’t help this comparison; after all I am a chemical engineer)

Sometimes, and these days a lot more often I feel it would have been a lot better if I was dumb and stupid. It would simplify almost everything. Not to mention the added relief of not having people’s very heavy expectations riding on your back. Atleast the picture would be clear then. Now, it’s all hazy and foggy, and therefore the delay in departure.

If after reading all this, you’re still expecting some kind of conclusion from this piece, then I must say you are one of the lucky ones (dumb and stupid). ;)

!@#$%^&*

2009-02-12T21:54:00.000-08:00

Just when I thought I had hit rock bottom…I am pushed, shoved, hurled even lower. No no…not by any external force…but by the sheer weight of this relentless thought process that just doesn’t give up. In the process, many other things (read people) seem to have given up on me (Including me). Yes, I know it’s a loser like statement to make, and believe me I am not trying to win over your pity or some stupid shit like that, but that is precisely what I feel like now. A loser.

Of course, no one is going to take this post seriously. Probably not even me. It’s like the story of the boy who called wolf. He did it way too often for anyone to take him seriously. But aren’t your so called friends supposed to stand by you. Come what may. Atleast that’s what I thought and believed. Clearly, I was as wrong as can be. Friends are someone you feel the need for only and only when you have a truck loads of time at hand and have no clue what to do with it. Atleast, that seems to be the latest definition doing rounds. What happened to the good old ‘I’ll be there for you’? Seems like there are practically no takers for that sentiment these days.

Anyways, the brighter side to this could be the theory in which you believe that you receive only as much hardships as He/She/It (God) thinks you can handle. So, the more the hardships you face, you are lead to believe that the stronger you are. Of course it’s a very far fetched ‘brighter side’, but it is there nonetheless.

On this slightly, somewhat positive note I take your leave, and I apologise for being absent for such a long time. After all, even I didn’t have time. (Wink)

Pity!

2008-12-24T05:51:00.000-08:00

Never have I felt this way
Never have I doubted my own say
Feels incomplete, feels wrong
Without the part that makes me, ME.

A cancer it seems like now
Spreading through me
Rotting my inside
Invisible to the naked eye

Everything feels broken, nay, shattered
No medicine to mend
No gum sticking it together
No drug that can make it all better.

Change, they say, is inevitable
But is it acceptable?
I didn’t want to change
I didn’t need the change

Proud I felt looking in the mirror
Disgust I feel looking in the mirror
Cocky I felt looking in the mirror
Pity I feel looking in the mirror

it's time...time to rise India...

2008-12-04T23:51:00.001-08:00

I don’t need to give an in depth explanation about why I’m writing this. It’s evident. India and Mumbai were rocked on 26th November by 10 terrorists who had the audacity to open fire on one of Mumbai’s busiest stations, throw grenades and gain control of 2 of Mumbai’s most posh hotels, kill over 200 people and reduce a ‘World Heritage Site’ to nothing but black soot.

Who are we to blame? The country that housed these terrorists, where they trained? Or the laxed navy patrolling? Or the lack of action by the various intelligence wings? Or the Government? Who are we to blame? Is it justified that in answer to hundreds of lives lost all that the politicians have to do is sign on a God damn letter of resignation? Is that all the punishment they deserve?

The political system in India has hit its bottom. I don’t think it can get any worse from here. Did any of you come across a President’s address after such a huge crisis hit India? I know I didn’t. The least we expect from our leaders in such a scenario is that their reassurances, their condolences, etc are flashed on every news channel, is printed on the front page of every newspaper.

But I do not need to dwell upon the failure of our leaders. That fact has been etched in our minds and hearts now. What we need to do is find a solution around this problem. Coz we know, this is not the first time our leaders have failed us, and if we don’t take any radical steps it might not even be the last.

I see rallies being organised, anger being vent out in the press, but these are not substantial steps. For how long will you go on holding rallies? Once the world throws up some other big news, the media will forget this till probably the next year where they will mourn for the dead. The fire will die out and ‘things will be back to normal’.

It is high time we took matters in our own hands. It is high time we stopped being so passive. It is high time we stop expecting someone else to do our duties towards our country. It is OUR country, our home. How can you expect the country to do something for you when you shrug away from all it asks of you? And please please please do not make lame sentences like ‘is desh ka kuch nahi ho sakta’. Is desh ka kuch nahi ho sakta, kyun ki isme tum jaise napunsak rehte hain.

If these blasts are not loud enough to awaken you, I guess you might as well be dead. I see the tide changing now. More and more of my friends are talking about taking a more active interest in the nation’s politics. Simple things like filing the ‘right to information’ petitions can make a huge difference. Why not use it?

But yes, I must say…I am a little apprehensive about this. I don’t know how long this fire is going to last in the common citizen. I hope it does. I sincerely do. We generally wake for someone/something to shake us, shock us and awaken us from our reverie. I hope this will be it. I hope we will rise and make a difference to this country. I hope with all my heart.

the love triangle

2008-11-23T22:19:00.000-08:00

I came across this article in the newspaper which spoke about a particular ‘love triangle’ theory of sorts. Frankly at first glance, the theory looked stupid and in a way funny. Maybe it was because of this belief I had/have that ‘love’ is too complicated and the fact that someone could formulate a theory about it just did not go well with me.

For all of those who remember from their earlier studies, we had studied something called as the fire triangle. Well its basic concept was that unless all the 3 constituents of the 3 sides of the triangle are present there cannot be a fire. This theory also stated something similar.

Let me elaborate. The theory states that the 3 constituents are: intimacy, passion and commitment. It states that you have a ‘perfect’ love if you have all 3 of these in the relationship, but various permutations and combinations of these 3 lead to various ‘kinds of love’. To state a few, if your relationship has only intimacy, you’re only friends. If your relationship has only passion, it’s just an infatuation. If your relationship is made up of intimacy and passion, then it’s a romantic love affair. Unfortunately I cannot remember anything related to the commitment part of the triangle .

Anyways, the point I’m trying to make is…can you really form theories and classifications for something like ‘love’. For as far as I can remember ‘love’ has been an undefinable word for me. Each one to themselves. What is love for me may not necessarily mean love for you and vice versa. I will leave you with this line from a song, ‘I love the way you love me, but I hate the way I’m supposed to love you back.’

I for...

2008-11-13T03:05:00.000-08:00

I happened to come across one of my friends’(I feel ashamed to call them this) status message which read, ‘Indian government…I hate them’. It doesn’t strike like a very controversial or a very provoking statement. Does it? Well to me, it does. Whatever are the flaws, whatever are the drawbacks of this country, it is MY COUNTRY and I will shower unconditional love and devotion to it.

For every person who has such a point of view or such a complaint, I have only one question…’what have you done for the country?’ Most of these complaining wretches haven’t cast their vote even once in their rotten existence. What gives you the right to condemn and criticise the country thus? You don’t want to be a part of the process to select a government but when someone else does it for you, you have the audacity to abuse them? To criticise them? To condemn them?

Every tom, dick and harry is buying/selling without paying the right taxes. But when the country’s infrastructure grows slowly, ‘yeh India hain…yahan aise hi hota hain’. Yahan aise hota hain, because of people like you. People like you who do not want to contribute to the growth of the country. But sure as hell have a snide comment about the slow growth of the country. Is the government supposed to grow money out of thin air for the various ‘infrastructural growths’ that you want to see in India?

Let’s get one thing straight; you don’t become an Indian just by being born in this country. You have to earn it. Ask not what the country has done for you, ask instead what have you done for the country? Jai Hind!!!

turMoilS

2008-11-10T04:22:00.000-08:00

Is it always necessary to act, think or do the ‘right’ thing? How do you define what’s right? How do you differentiate the right from the wrong? Can you differentiate the right from the wrong? I don’t think they are compartmentalised. I don’t think there is a strict line drawn between the two. I think they lead into one another, merge into each other, mix with each other. This is what is commonly referred to as ‘the grey region’. I guess. But you see, even that term has a predominantly negative feel to it. Like you’ve already passed the judgement that grey is as good as black.

There are certain things I would like to do. Certain things that most definitely fall under the grey category (if not the black). So is it still justified to go ahead and do it?
Especially considering that I am aware of this nature of my desires. I mean, if not now when I’m 24 (just turned) and when I have certain amount of leeway with the extent of the mistakes I’m allowed to commit, then when? I do not want to act upon the wisdom gained by over 40 years of life when I still have over 15 years to get there. It’s all confusing. Very confusing. And very very questionable of course.

Isn’t this supposed to be the time when I am all carefree and doing as I please? Forget about ‘supposed’ to be. This is what I want to be doing. Are there any guidelines, any rules, or any such thing we need to be following? When do we know that ‘it’s time now.’ When?

we believe...

2008-11-06T22:13:00.000-08:00

Why is everyone trying to impose their beliefs, their principles on everyone else? It’s not necessary that I should agree with you or share your beliefs. And it definitely is not necessary that if my beliefs differ from yours you should put in every ounce of energy you have in changing my beliefs to yours (or vice versa). It’s high time we learnt to accept different opinions, beliefs and principles. Of course we feel our beliefs are right and the corollary that their beliefs are wrong. But if that person ‘believes’ it…he must also think he is right. He might not be able to explain it. He might not be as good with expression of his thoughts as you are and maybe half as good as you are with convincing people. That doesn’t make him wrong or you right.

There are still a million phenomena occurring all around us for which we have no logical explanation. But still they occur. Maybe his beliefs have something to do with these unexplainable occurrences. This is just one of the possible reasons I’m trying to put across to bring about this change in attitude. Maybe it’s stupid. Maybe you can come up with a better explanation. As long as you can accept difference.

Variety, they say, is the spice of life. This is the precise reason why we need various points of view, various sets of principles and various opinions. All the discussions need not end with ‘either you convince me, or get convinced’. Just imagine, it would be such a monotonous life if all of us had just one view on everything. Say for example, if all of us thought that Sachin Tendulkar should retire. What would the media write about everyday then? Rather what would you read about everyday? What would form the dinner table conversation of most of the houses in India? But these are petty topics. Topics that don’t affect our life in an explicit manner. Therefore we can afford these differences. Why not the same outlook for other matters? So proudly we read the slogan which signifies the Indian strength ‘unity in diversity’, then why is there a lack of spirit to accept the diverse beliefs? Why?

atheist accounts continues...

2008-09-25T00:17:00.000-07:00

In my last post I had criticised the current scenario pertaining to religion in India. I figured no criticism is complete, unless you point out what is wrong, and how it can or should be corrected. I’m certain we’re way past the point of return. But the prospective benefits are so humongous that it’s worth a try.

I have come across many people who sit in temples or in front of their idols at home for hours on ends. You would call them religious, I don’t. And because I don’t, I’m an atheist. But what we fail to notice is that these people neglect their duties as a mother/father, as a wife/husband, as a HUMAN BEING in the course of decorating their idols and spending hours just admiring their God’s ‘beauty’. Is this religion? Is this the way ‘God’ would want us to live. They will have a hundred maligning thoughts in their minds, a thousand ill wishes for other people, a million pervert desires, but they are religious people.

It’s not like I’m against idol worship. I also join my hands and pay respect to the idols of Gods and Goddesses. What I’m against is IDLE IDOL WORSHIP. It just doesn’t make sense. What do you think? The God that you’re trying to ‘impress’, is he going to get more impressed by you wasting all your time in decorating his idol or if you use that same time to do some good for your family, friends or mankind? I don’t think God is so selfish. He/She wouldn’t be ‘God’ if he/she was.

It’s high time we paid humanity its due attention. It’s high time we stopped discriminating people based on religion. Religions are mere paths leading to the same destination. In today’s scenario, religions have become paths to divert mankind from the desired destination and lead him away to an unhappy ending. There really is no other religion greater in reach than humanity.

attempt at poetry

2008-09-17T05:26:00.000-07:00

The re-re-re-return

I buried it once, I buried it twice
But the tombstone still
Pokes out of the ground
Troubling me, haunting me.

No amount of reasoning can
Quench this tremendous fire
More that I feel its stupid
Stronger is the desire.

A dream it was, a desire it was
Stronger than any I had felt before
But courage I had not, to realise it
The dream that is filling me once more.

atheist accounts

2008-09-12T03:22:00.000-07:00

A few days back I paid a visit to Tirupathi, the renowned religious hub. Yes, I chose the word ‘hub’ on purpose because that is what it has become, a place of commercial activity and high money transactions. It is ‘supposed’ to be holy land, a place where we remember and give praise to God. But what I witnessed there has opened my eyes to the true picture of religion in our country.

We forget the basic etiquettes, the fundamental behaviour that we’re supposed to display as the most civilised species. We start behaving worse than animals, and the best part is we consider these people to be the most devotional and religious. Frankly, it disgusts me to see people behave like this.

How can you push and shove elders who can barely stand on their own feet in the name of religion? How can you push children around so that you reach the idol before they do in the name of religion? How can you touch various parts of women in the name of religion? Is this what you call religion? Is this what you call devotion? If this is your definition of religion and devotion and God, then I will gladly be called an Atheist.

fresher to CEO overnight - the perks and the fucks

2008-08-29T04:05:00.000-07:00

I had slept the last night thinking the world of opportunities was out there, up there for me to grasp, after all I was practically still a fresher. But the next morning I woke up a CEO. Yes, I’m not kidding. That’s how I describe my ‘so called’ transition. As sudden as that. For a long long time I did not know how to react to that. People were beaming with confidence, that I would do a wonderful job. Mind it; people were beaming with that kind of confidence not me. The biggest problem and fuck up is, because of the existent set up there are no defined parameters to assess whether I am doing a decent job (wonderful job is really out of question).

It does sound very sudden and rash and illogical to do something like this. But you haven’t heard the best part yet. There is logic to support this rashness, this madness. In all the big companies, when one CEO is retiring and another is coming in his place, the earlier one does not spend 2-3 months with the new one to explain how things work. Even that happens suddenly. Probably on a personal level not as sudden as my case, but as far as the company is concerned, it is as sudden.

Well, you see then I was soooo ‘dazzled’ by this proposition that the phrase ‘the cat’s caught its tongue’ fits like a glove. Now I see the loophole in this ‘logic’ as clear as the bright burning sun. THE NEW CEO HAD ALL THE PRIOR EXPERIENCE HE NEEDED TO MAKE THE SUDDEN TRANSITION. He/she had been there done that before. He has all the qualifications needed to replace the outgoing CEO. We clearly chose to ignore this small little teeny weeny detail.

Imagine everyday someone asking you, ‘did you do this?’; ‘did you do that?’….and always the answer is NO. Why? For the plain simple reason that you did not know it was supposed to be done. But somehow that person expects you to know all this, because he/she knows it. It’s shitty, the way you feel and when you have to bow down your head in shame and disgust at your incompetence. It makes you feel like such a dummy. You have to call someone or the other every half an hour or so to ask how it is to be done. Or how it was done? (really, what is the difference?). If you want to ever drain yourself of every drop of confidence you have in you, try this. Trust me it gives wonderful results. I guarantee you will have to dig real deep to find a pinch of what was once confidence.

This is not all, put your self in the place of an employee of the company who has been in the industry for atleast 3-4 years (atleast, you will obviously come across veterans too). And imagine receiving orders or reporting to someone who has practically just stepped out of college. I wouldn’t like it. I don’t know if they feel the same way or not. But every time I turn my back to them. I can feel their laughter.

Did the title mention ‘perks’? Oh yes there are perks. Unimportant, materialistic perks like come and go as you please, AC car to drive around in, fancy mobile phone, etc. It feels stupid to weigh them against peace of mind and confidence. But as you chose, so shall you act. And act your best you should. So be it.

bad 'air' day...

2008-07-08T22:52:00.000-07:00

It’s a phenomenon that has haunted each one of us, some time or the other. The feeling is pathetic. If there is any room, any room at all below ‘rock bottom’ this is the day it surfaces. Every decision feels wrong. Not just the ones taken on this day, but even the ones taken before, or the ones going to be taken later. Self doubt fills every pore of the body. Whatever little space is left out is filled with disgust (at nothing), guilt (for nothing), anger (on nothing) and a sense of foreboding. Feels like happiness has been drained out. Bone dry. Like it is just a figment of imagination. Not really present, never was and never will be. It’s a distant concept, one that the mind will never be able to fathom and understand and accept. It feels like the air itself is poisoned. Poisoned with the drug of sadness. Bad Air Day.

Wet sand...

2008-06-28T04:35:00.000-07:00

I still remember that day like it was yesterday. As vividly as the day when I graduated. The date was…don’t you just hate such people? Those who can remember the date and time of every little insignificant event of their lives. The ‘Subodhs’. On the contrary, it was a regular, boring, ‘nothing to do’ day. And I was doing precisely that… ’nothing’. Getting bored out of my wits, sitting at home. I had watched all the television I could in one day (or one life maybe). I needed something better, something ‘more’ constructive (more?? What more?? There is no comparison…just constructive), something worthwhile to do. But unfortunately there was nothing else to do. I was jobless (yet again), looking for a job in a completely unfamiliar field (yet again), and I was lonely (yet again and again and again). I felt worthless, loser, and like a ‘dharti pe bojh’.

Luckily some friends called me, and I was rescued from the confines of ‘my own prison’…(for all you ignorant people, that’s a song). I got into an auto rickshaw to get to the meeting point. Just a couple of minutes into the ride it starts pouring outside. The first rain. I love the first rain. The smell of ‘wet sand’ (oh my god! How ignorant can you get…even that is a song…develop a taste people). It’s heavenly. Science says the first rains are bad for you, as it carries all the acids that were present in the atmosphere. Balls to science!!! The first rains are the best thing that ever happened. I could feel all the tension, all the worries just getting washed away with the rains. (Just a crazy stupid thought, probably tension and worries are basic, that is why the acidic rains wash them away). In any case I was suddenly feeling brilliant. Just when I was beginning to enjoy the rains and my spirits were beginning to rise, my rickshaw stalled. Apparently it’s not used to the rains. Rain pouring down with a fury, trying to prove a point, that it’s comeback time. And I’m stuck in the middle of a busy road, in a rickshaw. And believe it or not, instead of enjoying the rain, instead of getting down and splashing around like we used to when we were kids, when we were filled with innocence, what is the only thought crossing my mind. ‘My cell phone is going to get screwed’. Can you believe it? I could not. How high tech has infringed upon the simple joys of our lives. It’s sad, pathetic but omni present. Unfortunately. Anyways, I was not going to let something as insipid as this to rob the joy, the thrill, the pure unadulterated happiness Mother Nature was bestowing upon me (Oh my god!!). All I had to do was get a plastic bag, (irony: mother nature bestowing happiness, and me using ‘plastic’ to enjoy that happiness) to safely put my cell phone into. Eureka. Problem solved. Once that ‘daunting’ task was accomplished, I walked a little more than a kilometre in the rain, graciously offered my cab to a family, took a lift from an unknown person on a bike (and trust me, bike rides in the rain…SCARY), finally got into another rickshaw and met my friends. Oh and yes, the first thing I made them do, check if my phone was ok!!!

weak and powerless...

2008-06-07T08:57:00.000-07:00

Tilling my own grave to keep me level
Jam another dragon down the hole
Digging to rhythm and the echo of a solitary siren
One that pushes me along and leaves me so…
Desperate and ravenous
I’m so weak and powerless…

These lyrics of the song titled ‘weak and powerless’ by ‘a perfect circle’ echoing in my head are the cause of the splitting headache, of the bad temper, of the fuck all mood that I am in. There are a set of people you derive energy from. Their belief in you, their encouragement… that is the fuel. And what do you do when that fuel tank shows empty? It’s a horrible feeling, so vulnerable, so unsure, unsafe, so…’weak and powerless’. Where to look for the drive now? Whom to turn to? It feels claustrophobic. No where to go, no one to turn to. The path ahead is hazy and the path behind is lost. It feels like it would have been better if there were no desires, ambitions, wishes, passions. The choices would have been so much simpler. The path would have been so much clearer. Will such a day ever come? Ever?

dream on...

2008-06-04T02:22:00.000-07:00

How important is it for you that your dream comes true? How far are you ready to go? How much risk are you ready to take? For how long can you bear everyone doubting your conviction? When is it that you stop chasing some stupid (in others’ eyes) dream? These are questions that for some reason have no legitimate answer. Although for you, the answer holds great importance, but unfortunately (or fortunately) there is no ‘right’ answer to them.

I was just flipping through the channels when I came across this medieval times movie starring Anil Kapoor, Utpal Dutt (the golmaal guy), and others called Saheb (obviously this is the movie that sparked those questions). The movie is about Saheb (Anil Kapoor) who has a dream to become a footballer. He’s not from a well to do family and therefore is constantly ridiculed and criticised for not taking up a job and chasing this stupid dream. He’s tremendously passionate about football and dreams day and night about it. Now, his younger sister is to get married and his father can not afford the wedding. I’m not going to dwell on the unnecessary (not truly unnecessary, it’s a brilliant build up) occurrences. What Saheb does is, he goes and sells his kidney so that his sister can get married and be rid of the feeling of guilt that she is going to be responsible for a huge debt on her father’s head. He does it knowing very well that he will never ever be able to play football professionally with one kidney. Knowing that the one thing he had dreamt of day and night will not come true.

So this brings us back to the queries I had posed earlier. When do you stop chasing your dreams? Should you stop chasing your dreams ever? There are also those of us who believe that come what may, whatever difficulties we face, whatever hardships we have to endure, we should always follow our dreams. ‘If life gives you thorns, you make do with thorns. You do not brood on their nature, colour, length, sharpness. Instead you pluck them and keep walking, on bloody feet if you have to.’ Those who have such beliefs aren’t wrong. There is more than just white and black here.

A 'new' Cinderella story...(and this time it's a man)

2008-06-03T13:40:00.000-07:00

“Yes”. That was the answer that started it all. The dreaming, the planning and all that jazz. What was the question? “Will you go to the prom with me?” I studied four long years in that college and we had prom only once. It wasn’t an extraordinary event (at least not for the 200 other people there) but it was still ‘prom’. She didn’t say yes because she liked me, she didn’t say yes because there was no one else to go to the prom with, the only reason she said yes was because I was the first to ask her. Kinda sad right? Well, it was still a memorable night. Since the day she had agreed, I had been dreaming of the night. Playing it in my mind back and forth, again and again. The reality was…hmmm…how do I put it…’little’ close to what I had dreamed….oh forget it who am I trying to kid…it was nothing like I had dreamed. The first problem…what do I wear? I had nothing good enough. I knew it for a fact she would be looking stunning (even more than ever). I had to at least look worthy of her (if not better). I practically went to every mall, every shop, visited every brand's showroom that is located between santacruz and lower parel. Budget was never an issue. Finally I struck gold at Pantaloons, lower parel. It was just the shirt. I laid eyes upon it and knew it was perfect. ‘Slim fit’. The next problem….How do I manage to go together to the prom? As in, not jus meet up outside the venue…’go together’. Call me orthodox if you will, but I deemed it my responsibility to pick her up from her home and take her to the prom. That’s where my good friend and his car come into the picture. He gave me his car (minus him) to go pick her up. I went to her home and called her up and asked her to 'descend'. Finally, the moment arrived. Believe me when I say this, she was looking…hmmm…how do I put it, ‘stunning’ will be an understatement. She was looking like a princess. My ‘princess’ for the night (and if I had my way, a lot longer) had arrived. I had planned to get her a rose, which of course I forgot. What do you think I am? Perfect? I took as long as I could to reach the prom from there. I wanted to spend as much time possible with her alone. I knew once we reached the prom my magical night would end. She would be swept away by the rest of my friends (I call them friends in retrospect only). That is precisely what happened….my brief, short and sorry fairy tale came to an abrupt end on arrival at the college campus (yes, that’s where we had our prom…I told you it wasn’t an extravagant event). But those few moments together were simply breathtaking.

My first Ad!!!

2008-05-27T04:17:00.000-07:00

I know the art work is a bit shabby...I've only just started working with Photoshop.I'm trying to improve my skills there. besides that if you have anything to say...you know what to do...

Is it worth it??

2008-05-26T08:06:00.000-07:00

It’s quiet pointless, the route we take in our lives. What stream we choose for our XII, which degree we struggled for, which career path we trod upon. It all comes down to whether we’re happy doing what we’re doing (or maybe not doing). It comes down to whether we’re doing what we’re doing to the best of our capabilities, with all the passion we possess or doing it just because we have to. Ironically, it’s not the route we take that decides our destination, but it’s the number of milestones we have crossed, the milestones that we set, not someone else. Not our friends, not our family. But then, it’s not so fucking easy. Obviously, there are a million complications. Infinite hurdles. And unfortunately there is no solution to most of these complications other than ‘compromise’. We compromise once, twice, and before we know it we’re not who we wanted to be. We look at others and envy them, coz they had the courage, the balls to put their foot down, to stop compromising and do what they wanted to, become what they wanted to become. Of course, they had to struggle a lot, but wasn’t it worth it? Isn’t it worth it? Is it worth it?

finally...

2008-05-22T23:02:00.000-07:00

You don’t really know or realise what you have missed, what you have been longing for till you actually get it. It felt so perfect, so right, so deserving. I used to love it. In fact in those childish days I used to actually call it my first and only love. Then somewhere, something went wrong and it disappeared. You remember those old Hindi movies where two ‘bichde hue bhai’ reunite. And the reaction they give when they realise they’re brothers (I don’t think there is a more exaggerated show of pure happiness). That is precisely how I felt. And believe me I’m not exaggerating. It was almost as if adrenaline was carrying my blood rather than the other way round. I felt exalted, elevated, liberated. It was a feeling I had never felt before. The feeling I had missed for so long. The feeling ‘yes, this is where I belong’, the instant connection, the belief, the rush...of finally playing basketball.

kachra!

2008-05-20T02:03:00.001-07:00

‘Do not spit here’, ‘No littering’, etc. These are a couple among the various signs that you read and conveniently ignore. It enrages me. You, the so called ‘civilised’ population of India, behave in the most uncivilised manner. I’m sure you have a ready excuse if confronted, ‘the government is not doing its job, there should be a dustbin here’ or ‘where are the sweepers? The Municipality does absolutely no work’. Why don’t you take a look around, there is a dustbin at less than 50 metres from where you stand. How the fuck can you make such an excuse? You don’t even want to take a couple of extra steps to keep your country clean. (I’m not even going to dwell on the subject of saving our environment with this insolent group). And then to top it all, you go to a foreign country and go gaga over how clean that city/country is. You have the bloody audacity to pass such a comment. You make all the possible contributions to maintain your country as dirty as possible and remark on the beauty and cleanliness of other countries?? And what is your reasoning?? ‘Mere akele ke nahi karne se thodi kuch hota hain’. It’s because every goddamn person thinks like this that no one does it. Change starts with YOU. I’m not asking you to propagate this message, (that is hoping for too much), but atleast do your part. Don’t add to the already abundant garbage lying on the roads of our beautiful country. ‘Kuch toh sharam karo, thoda kachra kam karo!!’

A 'subtle' reminder...

2008-05-19T02:00:00.000-07:00

Am I writing this blog for you to read it, for someone to read it and give me a job or for my personal satisfaction? That’s the question that’s been screwing up my head for the past week or so. I wanted it to be for myself, for my satisfaction, a relief valve for all the pressure that builds in the course of something called life (or existence). But somewhere in the conceiving phase there was an error, a short circuit (shot). It became a self analysis tool. I was asking for comments, nay, I was practically begging for them. I care a fuck about your comments. I don’t care whether you like what I’m writing or not (unless of course if you can get me a job based on this). I don’t care if you think the topics of my blog are too stupid or pointless. The last thing I need right now is to analyse myself through someone else’s eyes. I WILL DO what I want to. I will write whatever the hell I want to. This is MY blog.

READ this...

2008-05-11T04:47:00.000-07:00

‘Books padha karo, it’s a very good habit’…I’m sure every one of us has heard this phrase thrust in our faces (maybe in varied languages) hundreds of times. I’m not going to deny or try to contradict the truth in that. But yes, I am going to try to bring to light the fact that it’s easier said than done (among other random comments I’m going to make).

I do believe that a lot depends on the childhood phase of our lives. You can’t expect someone who has never read any book other than what the curriculum prescribes to suddenly grab a book and become an ardent reader. It takes grooming, developing taste, identifying the genre that you enjoy the most, etc. It should not be a one day, one week, one month or a year's stint; you have to keep at it. You have to, like I mentioned earlier develop the habit, groom yourself.

From what I have noticed, I believe there are 3 kinds of readers. First, those who enjoy reading in their free time. Then there are those who I like to call ‘compulsive readers’. These are the ones who HAVE TO read everyday. They take special efforts to find time to read something or the other. They are the ones that are truly very passionate. There are also those readers who read only the ‘best sellers’ or maybe just one series or author. Well I didn’t find them worthy enough to dedicate a category to them. There is also another kind of readers, but frankly I haven’t come across many who belong ‘purely’ to this category. These are the ones that randomly walk into a bookstore, look around the store, spend over a couple of hours looking for a book, not knowing what they’re looking for, and might even walk out of the store without picking up anything. They can’t read any book, unless that book ‘calls out’ to them. Its not that they have to find the book interesting…no no no…the book has to call out to them, the reader has to identify a bond with the book. They can’t read a book even if a hundred people tell them that a certain book is worth a read unless they identify the bond.

I know most of you are going to think ‘what nonsense’ or ‘its just an excuse to not read’…but those who have felt this bond, those who have experienced this feeling will know what I’m talking about.

In any case, I strongly believe reading should be developed as a habit. And I don’t mean comics or magazines. I mean reading ‘sound literary substance’. Maybe it is because I am very passionate about languages, be it English or Hindi. While we’re at the topic of books, and reading ‘sound literary’ books…I would like to recommend ‘the Ramayana’ series by Ashok Banker and if any of you fancy a good Hindi read, there is a collection of short stories callled ‘gadhyanjali’ (yes, all you ICSE students…our old text book). Happy reading!!!

mum-BAI blues

2008-05-07T02:11:00.000-07:00

It’s a very difficult life living alone in Mumbai. Some people think…well let me put it this way, most people think it's all fun, you get unlimited freedom, come home as and when you like, leave home when you please…but no one seems to see the flipside to it. I agree the cons don’t compare to the pros…but the point is THERE ARE cons. Take for example the topic of discussion in this post. ‘BAIs’. It is impossible…and trust me I have a lot of experience here…it is impossible to find a bai that will satisfy all your needs (for people with exceptionally dirty minds, I didn’t mean what you were thinking). First of all, since you live alone they think why in the name of God would you want a spotless house or clean utensils or washed clothes. They think living alone is a synonym of living dirty. No matter how many times you tell them, how many times you warn them, they will still not satisfy you (don’t wander…stay with me). They know that we bachelors are too lazy to fire them and then go out looking for another bai who will also work only as efficiently as the previous one. Then there is this everlasting issue about food. Finding a bai who can cook good food is like finding the Holy Grail. Impossible. And then after you have tried their food and asked them to stop cooking anymore but still do the other chores of the house…oh my God! It’s like war. After that they will make it a point to screw up. And then show absolutely no remorse when you do reprimand them. Basically, the point is…I’m very flustered with my bai. So if any of you know of an efficient bai in the 7 bungalows area…please let me know.

ATTENTION!!

2008-05-06T02:04:00.000-07:00

I would be posting at least one post every day...if you find them interesting...please keep visiting...even if you don't find them interesting...still please visit to criticise...and if you have any random topics you think I should or I could write upon...please let me know...I want to push my writing skills to the limit...

Career Counselling

2008-05-06T01:30:00.000-07:00

:)...I couldn’t help but give this title to my first post. Those of you who know me will know what I am talking about. I’m foraying into the darkness and danger...yet again...changing the direction of my career...(probably a different plane altogether) and subsequently my life. Most people believe (and trust me they have every right to do so) that I have a highly 'unstable' mind...that I’m too finicky. Well, at this moment I don’t have any argument to counter that. In any case, this post is to try and encourage, try and instil the desire in you to follow your dreams. I’m not saying it's an easy path to trod upon, I’m not saying I have done it. But I am trying to...and believe me just the prospect of doing something I love, of becoming someone that I have dreamt of becoming right from when I was maybe 4 years old...is exhilarating. I am, so to say petrified of one thing...when I am, say about 40 years old...I will look back at my life and say...'maybe I would have been happier if I had done this'. You will not regret what you did, you will regret what you DID NOT do. So I urge you to go out there and do what you want to do...become what you want to become...chase your dreams...and they WILL come true!!

kripya dhyan dijiye!!

2008-05-05T05:48:00.000-07:00

Hey...i've ben waiting and wanting to do this for a long long time...
WRITE...for the heck of it, for the fun of it, and now for making a career out of it...crticism is encouraged...and appreciation is encouraged even more. for those of you who were not paying enough attention in their hindi classes...'alp viram' is a comma...literally, it means 'pause'...